Why Should I Hire A Doula (For My Second Birth)?
A couple of years ago I had a table at a parenting expo. A heavily pregnant woman, glowing with the third trimester radiance, excitedly bounded up to my table. Right off the bat she said, “Tell me, why should I hire a doula if it isn’t my first baby?”
I paused for a second, and then I said, “Hmm, I have more questions for you about your previous birth(s), but I’m going to answer your question blind, first.”
Here is the answer I gave:
“If you came away from your birth(s) feeling, ‘that was terrible’ or ‘that was okay’ it might be of benefit to you to hire a doula for your next birth. Birth does not have to be something you just ‘get through’ or ‘suffer’ for the end goal. It can be an amazing experience in itself, and research shows this is aided by having a care team you truly trust, have confidence in, and feel comfortable with.”
I realized afterwards that this is part of the answer, but not the whole answer.
I did not have a doula present for the births of either of my babies. I did not really understand what a doula was, and I also felt nervous about having too many people around me during the birth. I came away from both of my births feeling empowered and transformed (in large part due to my midwifery and nursing team, who were incredible and whose birth philosophies aligned with mine). Both births were amazing. Regardless of these positive experiences, I now wish I’d had a doula.
Upon further discussion with the person who challenged me with this question, and also upon reflection on the births of my own children, I realized–even if your birth was amazing–you should consider the following things and discuss hiring a doula:
Did your partner come away from your previous birth(s) feeling good? If not, hire a doula this time around. Doulas teach the partner how to best support the birthing partner, and also have a huge role in making the partner feel included, calm, and understood.
After your birth(s) did you have the opportunity to talk to anyone else who was present at the birth (other than your partner)? It can be so helpful to "debrief" the birth with someone knowledgeable and educated about labour and birth. Are you guaranteed to have this opportunity with your upcoming birth? If not, you should hire a doula. Individuals with a midwife will likely have this opportunity, it is less likely if your primary care provider is a Doctor. (Read more about the differences between primary care providers here).
After your birth(s) did you realize there were things that differed from your vision for birth? Did things get forgotten? (For example, your favourite song wasn’t played during baby’s arrival, the lights weren’t dimmed, you didn’t get to cut the cord yourself)? If yes, hire a doula. (Read more about how doulas advocate for your birth plans here.)
Every labour is different. Different baby, different medical team, different energy levels, different environment. This birth experience won’t necessarily mimic your previous one(s). And although you are the common denominator, your body has undoubtedly changed and shifted in many ways since the last baby arrived. Your emotional state may be different too. A doula can help you navigate the surprise of dealing with these differences and anything unexpected (good and bad). (Read more here about my personal birth story and the unexpected, and how a doula could have helped me.)
During your previous pregnancies, and during the first two months postpartum, was it difficult to find answers to questions about your baby? And were you perplexed and stymied when hearing or reading a million opposing perspectives? If new things come up this time, which didn’t come up in your previous pregnancies/births/postpartum, how will you get answers? A doula can help with this.
Have you thought about how family dynamics will shift when this new baby arrives? Doulas are instrumental in supporting the transition of adding a new baby to an existing family. In my prenatal appointments, I discuss sibling and relationship transitions - how to prepare for the changes, and how to carve out quality time between different family members after the new baby arrives. Doulas help support existing children in the home, and help support the changes that occur between partners when they add a new baby. This is important no matter how many births you’ve had before.
As a doula, my primary focal points during labour and birth are to ensure:
Your birth follows your desires as closely as possible
Your birth partner is reassured and supported
You understand what you are being told by other healthcare workers
You come away feeling you were given the opportunity to make informed choices
If you’re interested to chat more, I offer free 30-minute, no-obligation consults.
