It Takes A Village
When my daughter was born, we lived in a lovely little cul-de-sac in the middle of a small city. The cul-de-sac we had accidentally stumbled on (we bought our house privately, through a Kijij ad!) had this amazing little “village in the city” feel. It was the perfect place to start our family.
My daughter was nine days late. During that nine-day period we had numerous snow storms. Snow piled on top of snow, with no opportunity for melting in between. Our neighbours diligently snow-blowed and plowed to ensure we could get out to the hospital when my firstborn decided she was ready to meet us.
After my daughter was born, our neighbours dropped by with fruit trays, energy balls (recipe can be found on my Instagram @driftwooddoula), hugs, cooked meals, and ears to listen as I processed and shared the birth story (see blog post here about the importance of birth debriefing) I had just experienced. They were my village. Yet I still found the transition to motherhood hard. I felt unprepared for what postpartum would bring. To name a few examples:
intense neck pain and headaches
hormonal fluctuations that had me swinging from elated to tearful in the space of minutes (especially at night)
endless laundry as my milk came in in vast quantities and leaked constantly (everyone talks about lack of supply, no one talks about over-supply…)
anxiety and constantly checking if my baby was breathing
questions about hemorrhoids, periods, and sex (When? How?!), that I felt too embarrassed to ask anyone
Some people have far less support than I did, yet even I felt alone. My personal experience has given me the following insight into how we can best support new parents.
When you’re in the thick of it–sleepless nights, constant feeding, piles of diapers, unconsolable witching hour, anxious mind racing–there are two important facts to take into account:
1. You want support but you don’t know exactly that you need
2. It can be really difficult to reach out
“The Village” has changed. It’s not how it used to be decades ago with families and friends living together and raising each other’s children in a community. But, hope is not lost. People still need a form of this Village, and want to cultivate it.
To help people re-create the village and get the support you need from those around you, I developed a hand out for you to give to your loved ones, to help express what sort of help you’ll need postpartum. It is linked here. Please feel free to print and share it with your support network.
