Learning to Advocate for Yourself

When I look back to life in my early twenties, I can recognize the time where I started to let go of insecurities and self-doubt, to find within me a more assertive, self-assured side of me. Of course, this is part of a lifelong journey; some days I still have hesitancy and uncertainty in myself and my abilities. I find it’s important to look back to reflect on how far I’ve come. 

I used to be the student in university who sat at the back, slouched in my chair, trying to seem as invisible as possible. What I didn't know then is that I am an auditory learner. Engaging with the material and asking questions is how I understand and absorb information. Once I realized this, it became clear that to get the most from my university experience, I had to change my behaviour in class. So, in September of my third year, I started sitting in the front row. I’d pretend no one else was in the room (easier to do while you’re in the front and everyone else is behind you!) and I asked questions and added comments when the lecturers asked for them. At first it was torture—my knees would shake uncontrollably any time I raised my hand—but I ignored it, and pretended I was confident. This is how I came to realize that the expression “fake it until you make it” holds truth. 

By the end of my third year, I loved contributing to lectures. I felt like I had interesting things to say, but not only that, I also realized that breaking the mold and speaking up had empowered others to do the same. There were a few of us, who all used to be quiet, but by the end of the year were regularly raising our hands and speaking out. 

I’ve been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks about how advocacy and confidence go hand in hand.

In a healthcare setting there is a power imbalance. A healthcare representative in charge of care will (most times) have the highest level of education and expertise of anyone in the room. We put our lives in the hands of physicians, literally.

But no one person, no matter how high their level of education in the field, has the correct answers to everything. It’s not humanly possible. And, often, there is no “correct” answer to be obtained - it is case dependent. Also, no one person can act solely on fact and logic. As humans, there are so many other factors that impact our decision making processes - emotions, lack of sleep, past experiences. We are not objective beings - everything we do is subjective.

So what happens when the healthcare practitioner says something that you know is not right for you—for your body and your baby—in a given moment? This could be advice based on outdated research, a recommendation based on something you know won’t lead to good outcomes for you (being the person who knows yourself best), or insistent prodding that seems to have ulterior motives in mind (e.g., drugs to speed up labour so the healthcare team have more control over the timing of birth).

Being able to advocate for yourself requires confidence. Asking questions and standing up for your birth wishes when a healthcare professional deviates from the birth plan can be challenging. It can feel uncomfortable when you have to speak up and request something from the most educated person in the room and therefore the person holding power. 

This is where a doula comes in. Advocacy is a huge part of the work we do. A doula is a mediator—a person who knows the healthcare system, the hospital protocols, the healthcare professionals—without being an employee of that same system. Healthcare professionals know medical care inside out, and know the hospital inside out, but most times do not know the client or have a personal relationship and vested interest in individualized care for that client. Conversely, a support person such as a partner knows the person giving birth deeply, but most times does not know the hospital protocols. A doula has both; familiarity with the hospital system plus knowledge of the person giving birth and their wishes. The doula keeps the interests of the client front and centre.

A big part of my mission as a doula is to teach my clients to advocate for themselves. This means coaching my clients during pregnancy and encouraging them to set up a written birth plan with their primary care provider that reflects the birth they want to have.

What I couldn’t know back in my university days was that my early foray into boosting my own confidence would eventually lead me to a career where I would help others become their own best advocates. 

I love this part of my work. It is so rewarding to see my clients flourish as they gain faith in themselves to advocate for their needs.

Nurture your confidence. Advocate for your needs. Be a champion for your own healthcare. 

I promise you it’s worth it.