Preparing For Life With A Baby
As doulas, we often talk about the fact that expectant parents are so incredibly focused on learning everything they can about childbirth, that they forget that childbirth is not the end goal. Childbirth is just the beginning. The end goal is a healthy baby, healthy parents, and a healthy family.
As a part of my birth packages, I offer two prenatal appointments. During the first, I talk all about birth. During the second, I focus on postpartum healing, life with a baby, and nurturing your relationship with your partner/other children once your baby arrives.
To prepare for postpartum, I have a little list of the things expectant parents can do to make the postpartum period easier. In my prenatals I ensure I talk with couples about these things so they are cognizant of how things may change after their baby’s arrival, and so that they are prepped with ways they can feel supported during those changes:
Together, talk about how your household roles may change. Think about household chores that are a priority for you both, and create a list of ones that visitors can help with. Stick it on the fridge or a wall in your living space. Then, when people ask to visit, say, “Yes, but when you come, can you help by doing ________________ on the list?” Example list here
Make a meal plan together and prep frozen ready-to-go meals and snacks (and ask friends to do this for you too) Freezable meal ideas here
Create a list of snacks or food staples you both love to have in stock, and when people are coming to visit, ask if they can bring _____________ from the list. Staples & Snacks List here
Have conversations about connection and intimacy after baby arrives. Talk about how intimacy does not have to be intercourse and could include other things that provide connection baths, conversation, massage, holding hands
Stock up on pain meds for body aches, epsom salts for perineal healing, nipple cream for breastfeeding, and any other medications or remedies you personally find helpful
Create a network pre-birth. Reach out to friends and family and let them know how best they can support you both. Can they start up a meal train? For first time parents - can friends put you in touch with other people they know who are pregnant or already have kids? You can also connect with other expectant parents at local prenatal classes.. (I also wrote this blog post about how to create your “support village” find it here).
When chatting with other parents or pregnant people, ask the taboo questions. I promise you, if you’re thinking it, someone else is too. Is it normal to have hemorrhoids when you're pregnant? Is it okay to have sex close to the baby's due date? How common is it to die in childbirth? And if people aren't comfortable talking about any of these things, they can simply excuse themselves from the conversation.
Talk as a couple about how you’ll handle shifts to your current routine once your baby arrives. Do you each have routines that are important for you that you need your partner’s support in maintaining? What will you need to adapt after the baby arrives?
Talk about sleep. Which one of you enjoys being the night owl? Which is the early bird? Babies are awake at all times of night and these conversations will help you figure out who gets which shift.
When friends and family ask you what you need for baby/postpartum, be specific! Let them know you’d love frozen meals, or gift cards for physiotherapy, massage, doula services, etc. These things will serve you much better than 100,000 baby blankets of which you will only ever use your two favourites!
Set up your diaper station and feeding station. Make sure you both know where all the important items are kept (diapers, wipes, nipple cream etc.). For more information about feeding stations, check it out here
Remember, people want to help. Let them. Sometimes they just need a little guidance on what is helpful, and guidance can be difficult to give after your baby is born and you are tired and your mind is full of other things. Preparation is the key to ensure you and your partner can support each other, and gain support from those around you, during the early days of parenthood.
